how to destroy the left movement in the united states

Since the beginning of the socialist movement in the United States in the late 19th century, various government agencies, police, and capital conspired successfully to destroy left-wing organizations: the IWW, the Communist Party, the Black Panthers, and countless others. Now, in the wake of a socialist resurgence after Bernie Sanders’s two presidential runs, I am confident that we, the Left, can save those conspirators the time, money, and effort by simply destroying ourselves.

What follows is a guide to taking every advantage we have and turning it into a liability.

Attack the most well-known and popular leaders we have

As socialists, if we have people that are household names who can put our ideology in simple terms and win over liberals and the politically disaffected, we can grow our movement, attracting people who haven’t formed an opinion on socialism, or even changing the minds of those who are currently opposed to it.

Alternatively, my proposal: find something you would do differently from those people, attack them relentlessly, and claim that any differences you have with them is not a good-faith disagreement, but rather proof that these so-called “leaders” are, in fact, worthless tools of the oppressors you want to fight against. If any socialist who becomes famous is instantly persona non grata to the “real” socialist movement, the split over who the leaders precludes any splits over anything else.

Never ally with someone that has any sort of different ideology

One of the biggest organizations we have right now is the Democratic Socialists of America, a “big tent” socialist organization that threatens to pull together people as ideologically diverse as European-style social democrats with Marxist-Leninists, anarchists, and people who have no idea what those terms mean.

The DSA could focus not on what policies unite us, but on internal disagreements that date back a century or more: for example, instead of discussing how to combat militarized police sweeps that displace unhoused people, we could vote on whether Stalin was good. Then, a vote on whether Marxism is truly a “science,” and following up by really getting into the nitty-gritty of exactly the best utopian vision of a socialist society. If there are ten different proposals, that should lead to at least ten different splinter groups.

Focus entirely on the Internet

One of my formative political memories is the Ron Paul 2008 campaign. While Twitter was in its infancy then, any sort of online message board would be overrun by libertarians, hardcore supporters of Ron Paul. Supporters of Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, and John McCain were nowhere to be found online (Facebook wasn’t the massive political platform it is now), but Ron Paul supporters would deluge any sort of open online poll with support for their guy, plus endless YouTube videos promoting a “money bomb” to get him more campaign funding. No one gave a shit about him in real life, and he got fifth in both Iowa and New Hampshire, because he’s an absolute kook.

If that’s too far back, think about Kamala Harris. She had her fanatical Twitter supporters who would spend hours attacking every other candidate in the race and accusing supporters of everyone else of… whatever.

This is a great model: by spending your entire day thinking about politics and talking about your favorite person and how everyone else sucks, you get to think that you’re doing something political without affecting anything at all.

Be incomprehensible

Socialists have a long history of important theoretical works. It’s important, when talking about socialism, to use exactly the terms people used in 1870, without explaining what they mean. Anyone casually listening to what you have to say should get the overwhelming feeling that you’re very smart and know a lot about politics, to the point where they’re too intimidated to admit they have no idea what you said. Write like you’re trying to get a computer algorithm to say you’re writing at a college level, rather than 8th grade.

Alternatively, if you’re like me and don’t have a college degree, you can talk shit about whoever you don’t like, but so vaguely that it requires a decoder ring to take any meaning from. For example: this piece. You have to know going in to it that it’s mostly about Jimmy Dore or it’s complete nonsense. Shut the fuck up, Jimmy Dore.